Since this past weekend I’ve begun to ask myself: what if I chose to love all of me, starting with everything about my body? I love my blonde hair. That is easy to love. My world and my culture make that easy to love. I love my fair skin. The culture I’ve grown up in makes that easy to love too. But then, how can I love my hormonal acne that pops up on my chin? Those red spots that fuzz my “fair complexion?” In what ways might I choose to love my tummy pouch, the bumps of hair trapped beneath my skin on my legs? I am pale, I am pink, and I am red. I am body, I am mind, I am spirit, and void. I have so much more in me than my external parts. And yet my physicality must relate to something else inside me, something beyond world physics- these are parts of my design that are sacred, even.
And in getting comfortable with my body I extend this comfort, this love and become comfortable with all of my prickly parts of Self. In what ways do I shrink and what do I resist? Which parts of me do I hide, and where do I compartmentalize? My inner Slut, my Judgement, Defensiveness. That fear of being or seeming selfish? Where does that come from? These are also spaces that need love. Shadow work tells me that therein lies my power, my light, too.
A very deep-feeling woman by the name of Carrie Hilgert (carriehilgert.com) once wrote that “To see myself in excruciating detail demands that I match that with absolute self acceptance.” And embodying that Virgin/Earth archetype how I do, an eye for detail I do not lack…
This morning I was really feeling myself. I chose not to wear makeup, just for today, warts (acne) n’ all. I’m kind of thinking this relates to my prayer from last night. I prayed to give less fucks about externally imposed standards, and more fucks about what needs to happen in this world, for Love.
So. That journey of healing to love all of me- that requires lots of self-knowledge. And this is not initially pretty. Radical self- love and acceptance, in one way and one day at a time, is that translation of judgement to healthy discernment. And that self-love translates to world love. WE, all of us on this planet now, need to be healed, and heal.
I think I might wear makeup tomorrow. And I’ll still be feeling into me.